I am mummy.
To this little girl and this little boy.
I love them beyond measure and more than I ever thought was possible. Whenever I write this, it always sounds super cheesy but it’s true. I read a saying once, with the sentiment that having a child is like having your heart go walking around outside your body. I can relate to this.
Being a mum is nothing short of an emotional battlefield and I am particularly prone to ‘mother’s guilt’. Most specifically in those few moments before I drift off to sleep. I think about my day and all the not so nice things I said or did play over in my mind. How I lost my temper, or didn’t listen properly, or chose to browse that site on the internet rather than sit down for some imaginary play. I vow every night that tomorrow I will be better. It’s always easy to make this vow in the quiet of the evening when the kids are asleep…..in the morning it’s much harder.
Thankfully, children are forgiving.
I am grateful for tiny hands that touch my face and little arms that wrap around my waist. I love the words ‘I love you mummy’. I love that Liv is still so childishly unabashed. She says things that make me laugh all the time! I love that Leo smiles, coos and kicks his legs excitedly when I approach him. It warms me up to feel such love from these little people.
Mark took these photos for me this morning. I think the last one is my favourite. It’s the in between moment. Liv beginning to move away because she is over having her photo taken….but her hand still lingers on my neck. And Leo, burying his face into my shoulder to let me know that he is tired and ready for bed. It feels honest.
Happy mother’s day to all my fellow mamas out there.
I hope you know that you are wonderful.
xo
by Lisa
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